Continental Airlines announces " family values " campaign

A spokesperson for Continental Airlines has announced the commercial flight company will hold a " family values " campaign. The spokesman said " Over the past 5 years, we have been able to screw over so many people with smaller seats and higher prices, so we figured we'd try again. We believe that by forcing family members to sit on top of each other while having to eat processed food that tastes like it came out of a sewer, families would then be physically closer together, which would force them to be emotionally closer together. However, we will again be raising our prices to pay for the more seats and less room needed on our planes."